posted
Mickey Mouse was standing before the Judge.
The Judge says, "Now Mickey, let me get this straight. "You want a divorce from Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?
Mickey replied, "No your honor, I didn't say she was crazy, I said she was fu**ing Goofy".
(I may loose a star over that one)
-------------------- Dakota Just because I'm paranoid don't mean there ain't someone behind me........ Posts: 172 | From: Kodak, TN, USA | Registered: Feb 2004
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three dogs see a cute little poodle..they all want her she tells them if they can use her favorite two words in a sentence(liver and cheese)..she will date the one that is the most creative The first dog..a german shepard steps forward and says..I love liver and cheese...she says..sorry boring the lab steps forward and says..i hate liver and cheese..she says..sorry, no originality the third dog a chihuahua(taco bell dog) steps forward and says.....
Liver alone, Cheese mine!
She leaves with the chihuahua
Posts: 12 | Registered: Jan 2005
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Idiots on the computer Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.
Posts: 976 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
I was reading through some old threads and came upon this one that must of past me by. I thought it would be nice to bring it back up to the front. Some of these are hilarious. Here's one for you!!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSH
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? DAM!!
Posts: 455 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by buylow41: Riddle for you guys:
Tall as she is and round as a cup, but all the kings horses can't draw her up.
What is it?
Buylow??????.....this is killing me and I'm having trouble finishing my work cos I keep thinking about this one.....come on, don't keep me in suspense any longer, PLEASE!!!!???
Posts: 455 | Registered: Feb 2004
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. ...... The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
-------------------- "keep your stick on the ice & your cup firmly in place" Posts: 3651 | From: Algonac, MI. 48001 | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote:Originally posted by bill1352: A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. ...... The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
quote:Originally posted by buylow41: Riddle for you guys:
Tall as she is and round as a cup, but all the kings horses can't draw her up.
What is it?
Buylow??????.....this is killing me and I'm having trouble finishing my work cos I keep thinking about this one.....come on, don't keep me in suspense any longer, PLEASE!!!!???
Its a well.
-------------------- If you don't sweat the pennies, you're not making any money. Posts: 2218 | Registered: Feb 2005
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I am honestly glad that curiousity doesn't kill...cos I'd of died 2 days ago thinking about that riddle...if that IS the right answer. I am not going to dwell on it anymore!! That answer suits me just fine. Posts: 455 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
-------------------- Marty When I was born, I was granted a visitors pass to earth. I will enjoy everyday until it has expired. You should too ;) Posts: 1740 | From: NJ, USA | Registered: Oct 2004
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1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in thedriveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
-------------------- Invest with your brain not with your heart. Posts: 4405 | From: Bristol, Tn, USA | Registered: Aug 2004
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Yo K that's nasty....almost as bad as a pizza with anchovies at a lesbian rally, and playing Go Fish while eatin' it LOL.....
-------------------- Marty When I was born, I was granted a visitors pass to earth. I will enjoy everyday until it has expired. You should too ;) Posts: 1740 | From: NJ, USA | Registered: Oct 2004
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