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BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.
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A stock broker to another "I don't think this line of work is for you. You just keep losing money all the time." "You're right" he replied"My whole life all I've done is lose money".
Next day he comes to work and resigns.
His co-worker asks" What are you going to do with your life."
" I finally figured out how I can make some money from losing money all the time."
"How" asks the co-worker.
"I am going to build a web page and take it public."
Stockbroker Eats Pizza A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it. There a clerk asks him: "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The guru replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."
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When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The greatest investor Q. Who was the greatest Investor in the Bible? A. Noah--he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
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Latest news: JOKE is about to take off. Invest in JOKE and you will be a millionare soon. JOKE will be trading on pink sheets soon, pps priceless. JOKE is not scam - note the building is empty. JOKE works from home. JOKE guarantees 1000% to make you laugh!
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The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude--I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it. And so it is with you--we are in charge of our Attitudes." - Charles Swindoll
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An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young punk walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the punk looked, the old man was staring at him. The punk finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle-aged French lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans..You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please lady, may I sit there? I'm very tired." The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant." The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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