Allstocks.com's Bulletin Board Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Allstocks.com's Bulletin Board » Off-Topic Post, Non Stock Talk » rofl

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: rofl
glassman
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for glassman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!

The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.

The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish."

The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"


Posts: 36378 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mondayschild
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for mondayschild     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Do you know what I'm thinking? If your wife reads this board, you will be outside with Rover tonight

Janie

quote:
Originally posted by glassman:
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!

The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.

The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel...! No. Think of another wish."

The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying...know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'...know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"



Posts: 597 | From: KY | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glassman
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for glassman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Janie, my wife knows i try, and she usually forgives me in my ignorance.....

fortunately my daughter and my mom don't have anythng to say about where i sleep.....


Posts: 36378 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mondayschild
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for mondayschild     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Nice call on GTEL. Currently on radar I'm watching CSCA,EFCY,PRMN(should have bought it yesterday),TRDM,SPRL(used to be SPRU),TTCS, and MSITF. Still holding QBID, GFEN,AANI, QANT, and some MLON. Also thinking about AMTX...nice dip today
Posts: 597 | From: KY | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keithsan
Member


Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted      Profile for keithsan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
busy plate
Posts: 9110 | From: boston, ma | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mondayschild
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for mondayschild     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes it is. Drives me nuts when I am at work and away from the computer. But I always have my watchlist available during the times I am home...and I have the weekends to do research...when my daughter allows me to...LOL. Thankfully, vacation is less than a week away


quote:
Originally posted by keithsan:
busy plate


Posts: 597 | From: KY | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mondayschild
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for mondayschild     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Glass...you've got mail


Posts: 597 | From: KY | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glassman
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for glassman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says "OK," and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.

Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms.

The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. Guy says, "OK," and goes back to the pharmacy and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.

Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes you sick, how come you keep doing it?"


Posts: 36378 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glassman
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for glassman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
front end clerk in a pharmacy has just been admonished by the owner for missing too many sales. "I'm sorry" the boss says "But one more missed sale and your fired"

The next customer that comes in has a terrible cough and asks the problem clerk for help. Unable to recall where the cough remedies are, the nervous clerk points to a box of Ex-Lax and says "Here, buy this then go over to our cooler and take all of it with plenty of water".

The customer thanks him and obliges. Finishing his last glass of water, the customer exits the pharmacy. Once outside he stops, takes a few faltering steps, then hugs a telephone pole. The boss, having witnessed the entire scene, approaches the clerk and asks him what he recommended.

"Ex-Lax," says the clerk hesitantly.
"Ex-Lax !" yells the boss. "That won't help a cough!"
"Sure it does," says the clerk. "Look,.. he's afraid to cough."


Posts: 36378 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kate
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kate     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can tell you what they are thinking, when they say "nothing". It is that there is no way in Hades, that they are going to be able to get the man to understand what they are thinking, so why try?
Posts: 622 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pennyearned
Member


Rate Member
Icon 1 posted      Profile for pennyearned     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ohhh!!! But they REALLY want us to--that is just the impetus for us to speak (or is it...stick our foot in our mouth).


quote:
Originally posted by Kate:
I can tell you what they are thinking, when they say "nothing". It is that there is no way in Hades, that they are going to be able to get the man to understand what they are thinking, so why try?


Posts: 106 | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glassman
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for glassman     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
hmmmmm......
this is dangerous water here....

i don't think anything i say will be right....


Posts: 36378 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bob Frey
Member


Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bob Frey     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Kate try here:
http://allstocks.com/fun/html/for_women.html


Glass try here:
http://allstocks.com/fun/html/for_men.html

Others try here:
http://allstocks.com/fun/html/unisex.html


Posts: 3389 | From: Cleveland, Ohio | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kate
Member


Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kate     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Gee thanks, Bob! Not sure if those make me feel better, or worse!
Posts: 622 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Allstocks.com Message Board Home

© 1997 - 2019 Allstocks.com. All rights reserved.

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2

Share