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A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came took a tour of Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district. When they arrived at Battery Park, the guide showed him some nice yachts anchored there, and said, "Here are the yachts of the bankers and stockbrokers." "And where are the yachts of the investors?" asked the naive visitor.
Posts: 339 | From: Clearwater, Fl | Registered: Mar 2004
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A mother watched her little boy playing outside the kitchen window as she did the dishes.
He had his toy "Jet Blue" airplane and a bunch of action figures and animals as passengers.
He landed the plane and said, "Okay, this is your captain speaking. All you m-f**ers want off, get off. All you m-f**ers want on, get on"
His mother was horrified at his language and called him from the window.
"Johnny! Get in here right now. You go to your room for three hours and think about what you did".
Johnny dutifully went to his room. At the end of the three hours, he went back outside to play. He picked up his airplane again and said,
"Okay, all you nice people who want on, get on; All you nice people who want off, get off.....and all you m-f***rs pissed off about the three hour delay, see the B*TCH in the kitchen!!"
-------------------- "Great Day for Up!"....Dr. Seuss Posts: 3387 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see a man without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now The world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT TO PONDER IN 2006: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located.
Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration and Homeland Security.
-------------------- If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? Posts: 2647 | From: MN | Registered: Feb 2006
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> Subject: Top Country Songs > > > > > > TOP 12 COUNTRY SONGS FOR 2006 > > > > 12. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine. > > > > 11. It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That > > Chewed My Ass All Day. > > > > 10. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. > > > > 9. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So > > Well. > > > > 8. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' > > Better. > > > > 7. I Wouldn't take her to a Dog Fight 'Cause I'm > > Afraid She'd Win. > > > > 6. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon > > Tonight. > > > > 5. I'm So Miserable without you, It's like You're > > Still Here. > > > > 4. If I Had Shot You When I First wanted To, I'd > > Be Out Of Prison By now. > > > > 3. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure > > Do Miss Him. > > > > 2. She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger. > > > > And the number 1 Country Song is: > > > > 1. I Ain't Never Gone to Bed with Ugly Women. > > But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few >
Posts: 316 | Registered: Jun 2006
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