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Author Topic: Need a Thread for Jokes Right Now
Zeker
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Anyone have any?
Posts: 339 | From: Clearwater, Fl | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zeker
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A long time ago, a visitor from out of town came took a tour of Manhattan. At the end of the tour they took him to the financial district.
When they arrived at Battery Park, the guide showed him some nice yachts anchored there, and said, "Here are the yachts of the bankers and stockbrokers."
"And where are the yachts of the investors?" asked the naive visitor.

Posts: 339 | From: Clearwater, Fl | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bobcat88
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"Stock Market Terminology Explained"
Stock Market Dictionary for the past year investor:

· Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling
low.

· Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

· Broker - Poorer than you were last year.

· P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as
this market keeps crashing.

· Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.

· Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

· Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

· Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

· Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your
assets equally between themselves.

· Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet
when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

· Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

· Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down
the toilet.

· Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in
ancient times before e-mail.

· Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.

· Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for
$540 per share.

· Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that
bought Yahoo for $540 per share.

· Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up
in a nut house.

· Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

· Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.

· Alan Greenspan - God.

--------------------
"Man who excels at putting worm on hook is Master Baiter"

Posts: 678 | From: Boise, Idaho | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jo4321
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quote:
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Ah so true for me today.

--------------------
"Great Day for Up!"....Dr. Seuss

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Zeker
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Posts: 339 | From: Clearwater, Fl | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jo4321
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A mother watched her little boy playing outside the kitchen window as she did the dishes.

He had his toy "Jet Blue" airplane and a bunch of action figures and animals as passengers.

He landed the plane and said, "Okay, this is your captain speaking. All you m-f**ers want off, get off. All you m-f**ers want on, get on"

His mother was horrified at his language and called him from the window.

"Johnny! Get in here right now. You go to your room for three hours and think about what you did".

Johnny dutifully went to his room. At the end of the three hours, he went back outside to play. He picked up his airplane again and said,

"Okay, all you nice people who want on, get on; All you nice people who want off, get off.....and all you m-f***rs pissed off about the three hour delay, see the B*TCH in the kitchen!!"

--------------------
"Great Day for Up!"....Dr. Seuss

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Zeker
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A bad day in the markets- -372 points (or so)

Little Johnny Jet Blue Jokes -Priceless

Posts: 339 | From: Clearwater, Fl | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cottonjim
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Do you know what boobs and martinis have in common?


--one is not enough and three's to many.

--------------------
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

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matto
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I got one, The dow dropped 500 today!!!!!lol

--------------------
Trading is a blast!!

Posts: 4921 | From: Rhode Island | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jo4321
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Not funny, Ed...

--------------------
"Great Day for Up!"....Dr. Seuss

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cottonjim
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Things to Ponder....

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see a man without an erection, make him a
sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now The world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT TO PONDER IN 2006:
We know exactly where one cow
with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located.

Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration and Homeland Security.

--------------------
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

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SherriT
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I wish we had audio, and I would post "Archibald Barisol" as done by my husband....thanks for posting these jokes!!

--------------------
Study before you buy, Sell before you think about it....

Posts: 3903 | From: Gulf Coast | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moremula
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> Subject: Top Country Songs
>
>
>
>
> > TOP 12 COUNTRY SONGS FOR 2006
> >
> > 12. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine.
> >
> > 11. It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That
> > Chewed My Ass All Day.
> >
> > 10. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
> >
> > 9. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So
> > Well.
> >
> > 8. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin'
> > Better.
> >
> > 7. I Wouldn't take her to a Dog Fight 'Cause I'm
> > Afraid She'd Win.
> >
> > 6. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon
> > Tonight.
> >
> > 5. I'm So Miserable without you, It's like You're
> > Still Here.
> >
> > 4. If I Had Shot You When I First wanted To, I'd
> > Be Out Of Prison By now.
> >
> > 3. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure
> > Do Miss Him.
> >
> > 2. She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger.
> >
> > And the number 1 Country Song is:
> >
> > 1. I Ain't Never Gone to Bed with Ugly Women.
> > But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few
>

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glassman
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 -

--------------------
Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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IMAKEMONEY
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SHE GOT THE MINE AND I GOT THE SHAFT.

--------------------
LIFE IS 10% HOW YOU MAKE IT AND 90% HOW YOU TAKE IT!

Posts: 9276 | From: San Diego CA | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zeker
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quote:
Originally posted by glassman:
 -

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 339 | From: Clearwater, Fl | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zeker
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That's so da3n funny!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 339 | From: Clearwater, Fl | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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