posted
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
-------------------- Lil,
Dont LOSE more than you can afford to invest....LOL
I'm buying low and selling into the run... Posts: 8024 | From: Joisey....see attitude above | Registered: Jan 2004
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Those were the days...everybody came up with a good one from time to time, but Paul Lynde was da maestro...makes me laugh reading those lines...good find
posted
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello?" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked" MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year Is back on the market. They're asking $950,000" MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really a pretty good price." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?
-------------------- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Posts: 3311 | From: St. Louis | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
Make damn sure you hang on to that cell phone
-------------------- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Posts: 3311 | From: St. Louis | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
German, Japanese and Texan in a sauna, discussing tycoon stuff...
Japanese suddenly gets a call on his surgically implanted, no-way detectable device, initiated by a touch to his nose, ended by a tug on his ear...
tycoon chat resumes, when German gets a videoconference, projecting hologram from his watch...once ended, tycoonery resumes, but the Texan caint stand it! no such toys...
So he JUMPS up, strides to outer room and says excuse me over his shoulder. Next thing ya know? He's striding past the door with paper hanging from his azz: He yells out, "Back in a minute, guys--I'm gettin' a fax!"
quote:Originally posted by BuyTex: German, Japanese and Texan in a sauna, discussing tycoon stuff...
Japanese suddenly gets a call on his surgically implanted, no-way detectable device, initiated by a touch to his nose, ended by a tug on his ear...
tycoon chat resumes, when German gets a videoconference, projecting hologram from his watch...once ended, tycoonery resumes, but the Texan caint stand it! no such toys...
So he JUMPS up, strides to outer room and says excuse me over his shoulder. Next thing ya know? He's striding past the door with paper hanging from his azz: He yells out, "Back in a minute, guys--I'm gettin' a fax!"
LOL. Did that Texas tycoon happen to have political 'ass'pirations?
-------------------- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Posts: 3311 | From: St. Louis | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Here is some interesting trivia. Some of it may be "old stuff" for you trivia buffs but interesting all the same. Enjoy! And don't get down on me if you think it may not be true. I'm only posting what I find.
Have fun.........
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.! Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month . which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow
I cdnoltblviee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Ok....gotta' go wash the zinc and copper from my hair and lick my elbow.
-------------------- Lil,
Dont LOSE more than you can afford to invest....LOL
I'm buying low and selling into the run... Posts: 8024 | From: Joisey....see attitude above | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by lilpennypincher: Here is some interesting trivia. Some of it may be "old stuff" for you trivia buffs but interesting all the same. Enjoy! And don't get down on me if you think it may not be true. I'm only posting what I find.
Have fun.........
{edited -- bt} Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All invented by women.
lol, there's a joke in the making...
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day sad, but true...
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
half the story?
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow or worse...
I cdnoltblviee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
explains the MoMo school of posting...
Ok....gotta' go wash the zinc and copper from my hair and lick my elbow.
posted
My Father thinks this is a RIOT! Hmmm.....he's a funny guy. Have to think a minute at what floor I'd get off on.
LOL, Jelly would DIE. cuz' I am deciding where I'm gonna' "Get off". I know you're spittin right now jellz.
Think I'll continue to shop at Pier1 and get all the goodies I REALLY like. LOL
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store
-------------------- Lil,
Dont LOSE more than you can afford to invest....LOL
I'm buying low and selling into the run... Posts: 8024 | From: Joisey....see attitude above | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged |
That's really funny Lil! And true to if you don't mind me saying. One of the things it took me the longest to accept about my wife. If you put a foot wrong, there's no making it right again. Nor justification for your actions worth wasting your breath on.
BuyTex,
That post is amazing. I couldn't believe what I was reading and understanding!!!Blows my mind!
The Bigfoot
-------------------- No longer eligible for government service due to lack of tax issues. Posts: 5178 | From: Up North | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by lilpennypincher: My Father thinks this is a RIOT! Hmmm.....he's a funny guy. Have to think a minute at what floor I'd get off on.
LOL, Jelly would DIE. cuz' I am deciding where I'm gonna' "Get off". I know you're spittin right now jellz.
Think I'll continue to shop at Pier1 and get all the goodies I REALLY like. LOL
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
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