Dear Consumas: It has come ta our attention dat a cupola copies of the WINDOWS XP NEW JOISEY EDITION may have been shipped outsida Joisey. If ya got wunna' dese, you may need some help unnerstanin da commands.
Da Joisey edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen.
It reads; "Windas XP" wit a background pitcha of Hoboken. When yous start da program, instead of da usual harpy stringy like music, you hear a little Springsteen. It's also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.
PLEASE ALSO NOTE:
Recycle bin is labeled "Newark"
My computer is called "My Computa"
The Inbox is referr ed to as "Da Trunk"
Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked", "Erased", or "Rubbed Out"
Control Panel is known as "The Bosses"
Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancin da family business" and will actually maximize da program instead of shuttin' it down.
Hard Drive is referred to as "Da turnpike on da way to da shore"
Instead of an error message a "You ain't gonna believe dis" pops up
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA JOISEY EDITION:
OK...........Sure ting Cancel......Fugetaboutit Reset........Start ova Yes............Yeah No..............Nah Find............Put a contract out on Browse........Get a looksee Back...........U-Toin Help...........Get your own ansa Stop............Knock it off Start............Move it Settings.......Here's da rules
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you mistakenly got a copy of the JOISEY EDITION.
You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WIT DAT?
(By da way, spellcheck is a nightmare wit da JOISEY edition dey still haven't worked out all da bugs)
-------------------- Lil,
Dont LOSE more than you can afford to invest....LOL
I'm buying low and selling into the run...
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-------------------- Marty When I was born, I was granted a visitors pass to earth. I will enjoy everyday until it has expired. You should too ;)
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By da' way, I gots sum xtra copies hangin' in da' wahouse...bring da' cash, or faget about it!!! LOL...
-------------------- Marty When I was born, I was granted a visitors pass to earth. I will enjoy everyday until it has expired. You should too ;)
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are ya' fagettin' how to spell NJ slang Lil? The mall's are off in the distance....thank you very much... LOL...get some rounds in lately? Nice weather a couple of days (50 'ish)
-------------------- Marty When I was born, I was granted a visitors pass to earth. I will enjoy everyday until it has expired. You should too ;)
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I'd love to hit some but, SICK! ARGH! No golf for me for a bit...I'll be swingin' come spring though~ We really have to hit wild turkey together.
LOL this is kinda funny, Read on.
MEN...........
Please be aware that as your wives age, it is harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there is nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is John. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Martha. When I was laid off from my consulting job and took early retirement in April, it became necessary for Martha to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health insurance benefits we needed.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work, and although she knows how hungry I am, she rests an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out in the evenings is not reasonable. Besides, I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. I really think my old business as a consultant helps a lot. Telling people what they ought to do is one of my strong points.
Also, now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement, and sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this, just as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening.
I'm willing to overlook her shortcomings in this area. Unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to the Wednesday and Saturday poker club, or to Tuesday's and Thursday's bowling. I'll tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting.
If I had a really bad day on the course and it was wet and muddy, and my clubs are a mess, I let her clean them, you know, getting the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces.
Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as well as men so I had to tell her that I don't like to be wakened during my after-golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of fresh squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, then take her break by my hammock. That way we can talk until I fall asleep.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Martha, but I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Regards, John
EDITOR'S NOTE:
**John died suddenly Thursday. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Golf Driver rammed up his rear end with only two inches of grip showing. His wife Martha was arrested, but after the jury read this letter, they accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it.
She was released from custody on Friday.
-------------------- Lil,
Dont LOSE more than you can afford to invest....LOL
I'm buying low and selling into the run...
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LOL Lil!!!! Too funny!!! Glad I didn't marry Martha!!!! hehehe... Wild Turkey it is, (but I'll leave my Big Bertha Driver at home thank you very much!!!)
-------------------- Marty When I was born, I was granted a visitors pass to earth. I will enjoy everyday until it has expired. You should too ;)
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I tried to tell John that spoilin that chick was gonna give her bad notions and get her to thinkin she had rights. But noooo. John wouldn't listen and that broad's plumb ruint a damn fine golf club.
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I'll pass on "anything" like that, OUCH, coming my way, thank you very much..LOL!!!! Wild Turkey, a round, drinks on the 19th, you got it Lil....whatever you prefer....feel better!!!!
-------------------- Marty When I was born, I was granted a visitors pass to earth. I will enjoy everyday until it has expired. You should too ;)
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![[Wink]](wink.gif)
The mall's are off in the distance....thank you very much... ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
LOL...get some rounds in lately? Nice weather a couple of days (50 'ish)
