posted
To all my friends > >Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy by >sending me so many chain letters over the last year. > >Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it >can remove toilet stains. > >I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make >these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. > >I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick >from the rat feces and urine. > >I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes >cancer. > >I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle >infected with AIDS > >I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could >get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. > >I no longer want to pump my own gas - where I will either get >AIDS or cause an explosion by cell phone or static. > >I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell >like a wet dog on a hot day. > >I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me >with a perfume sample and try to rob me. > >I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are >actually Al Qaida in disguise. > >I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't >support our American troops. > >I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial >a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. > >I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they >contain will turn me gay. > >I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible >mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. > >I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my >kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bath tub full of ice. > >I no longer have a cell phone because I don't want brain cancer. > >I no longer have any sneakers because I would hate to see all >those poor kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering because I wanted a >pair of Nike shoes. > >I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now >have their recipe. > >I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels >looking out for me. > >I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl >about to die in the hospital for the 1,000,000,000th time. > >I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive >the $18,624 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in >their special e-mail program. > >I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me. > >Now, if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000,000 of your closest >friends in the next 60 seconds a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your >head at exactly 5:00 pm tomorrow! > >HURRY
Posts: 3417 | From: Cleveland, Ohio | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic
