When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.
On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.
In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was a box with such contents.
That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 bee r cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again"
Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
Bill replied "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?
Posted by urnso77 on :
haha I like that one.
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Posted by urnso77 on :
lol...good one also
Posted by jordanreed on :
its good cuz its true...
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
It's funny because it's HALF true. While he IS dumb enough to not know what a Brazilian is, Bush wouldn't get upset over dead soldiers.
Posted by urnso77 on :
that is just an ubsurd thing to say. But the sad part is that you really believe that. I'm sure you think that bush is behind 911 too right? Or how about that Bush caused Hurricane Katrina and blew up the levies in New Orleans so that more people would die.
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
urnso77:"that is just an ubsurd (sic) thing to say."
Gordy: Why?
urnso77:"the sad part is that you really believe that."
Gordy: I do. He has treated our military like cattle, with no planning, exit strategy and, worst of all, no remorse of any kind. He didn't even come clean about the reasons he was sending our troops into battle in the first place. (Hint: It had nothing to do with terrorists, WMDs or "Freedom") Why should I believe he cares two bits about their welfare now?
urnso77:"I'm sure you think that bush is behind 911 too right?"
Gordy: I think we can all agree that Bush and his agenda benefited greatly from the 9/11 disaster. But did the Administration actually plan, cause, or simply let the attack happen? I don't know. (How about letting some actual investigations take place, Mr. Bush?)
urnso77:"Or how about that Bush caused Hurricane Katrina and blew up the levies in New Orleans so that more people would die."
Gordy: That is just an absurd thing to say. Posted by urnso77 on :
urnso77, as long as you support George W. Bush, who can barely get a sentence out because he's so socially retarded, and who relies on FOX News editors to make him look "presidential," I would probably keep the audio clips of Howard Dean to myself.
They kinda sorta make you look ignorant.
P.S. The correct lyric is "Throw that pumpkin at the tree Unless you think that pumpkin holds your destiny."
Posted by urnso77 on :
Regardless of what I say, I will be seen as ignorant. And you are "kinda sorta" a political hack.
Posted by ruthie on :
Doing good urnso77......It is nice to see you have not resorted to name calling like some enjoy doing.....
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
While there are almost no funny "conservative" comedians, it does happen on rare occasions. However, I can't think of a single "conservative" musician worth listening to. Can you?
And ruthie? "Political hack" sounds like name calling to me.
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
Don't be so hard on yourself.
quote:Originally posted by urnso77: Regardless of what I say, I will be seen as ignorant.
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit; he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy and corporations over the rights and needs of the population; he has destroyed trust and confidence in, and good will toward, the United States around the globe; he has ignored global warming, to the world's detriment; he has wantonly broken our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners; he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States; he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital national importance.
Now, would someone please give him a blow job so we can impeach him?
Posted by urnso77 on :
It's all a matter of opinion. If you don't think that any of the jokes I posted are funny, then it doesn't suprise me that you don't like any conservative comedians. As far as conservative musicians go, I don't listen to music for the political aspect of it. Although I do think that Paul Shanklin's parodies of Teddy Kennedy are pretty darn funny.
Let's face it urnso77, you are a biased and narrow minded far rightwing parrot with little ability to discern fact and truth....one of Fat Rush'es type of pawns.
lol
Posted by urnso77 on :
thanks bdgee. I love you too. Posted by jordanreed on :
i can feeeel the luv...
Posted by bdgee on :
Yep, I felt it when he first came here and posted a hateful diatribe against me.
Posted by Upside on :
Gordo, can I ask you what your day consists of? I'm just curious because there's a pattern that I've noticed. Sometime around mid to late morning (central standard time) as your name falls lower and lower on this board, you seem to awaken for a few hours, dig up anything negative you possibly can about America or Bush, then post it so the threads look something like this:
Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett
And then the cycle repeats itself later in the day. Sadly they're rarely original thoughts (which I sometimes enjoy) but usually just paste and copied articles from every corner of the internet. Does the Allstocks limelight really mean that much to you?
Posted by Upside on :
Here's an example:
The Lie Clocks urnso77 10 March 15, 2007 11:24 AM by Gordon Bennett
Bush and the Bible: A Letter to George Bush Gordon Bennett 0 March 15, 2007 11:22 AM by Gordon Bennett
Traffic Jam urnso77 1 March 15, 2007 11:15 AM by Gordon Bennett
Dean Says Gonzales and Rove Must Go Gordon Bennett 17 March 15, 2007 10:56 AM by Gordon Bennett
Jesus: Tales from the Crypt Pages: 1 2 3 Gordon Bennett 106 March 15, 2007 10:53 AM by Gordon Bennett
U.S. economy leaving record numbers in severe poverty Gordon Bennett 25 March 15, 2007 10:49 AM by Gordon Bennett
See what I mean? This was done within 45 minutes! Please, enlighten me as to what your story is. I'm sure many more than myself here would love to read it, in chapters preferably. That way you can keep your name in the spotlight and we can all be enthralled for minutes on end as we read the page a minute story of Gordon Bennett.
Posted by T e x on :
Oh, yeah, mr upitty uppity....?
How 'bout this, you Three-Stooges watching, fish-boat-crying-while-your-wife-nets-the-trophy, cheese-eating, Bret Favre apologist....
check this out: I I I I me me me just hooked up my new cell-phone-sized modem to my new DSL hook-up...and IT SCREAMS!
Gordon in a nutshell:..... ahhh nevermind, I don't know where to begin.
Posted by T e x on :
you're positing a link to Mr Marshmallow...or whatever that 3-rd person guy called himself?
Posted by a surfer on :
quote:Originally posted by Upside: Gordo, can I ask you what your day consists of? I'm just curious because there's a pattern that I've noticed. Sometime around mid to late morning (central standard time) as your name falls lower and lower on this board, you seem to awaken for a few hours, dig up anything negative you possibly can about America or Bush, then post it so the threads look something like this:
Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett Gordon Bennett
And then the cycle repeats itself later in the day. Sadly they're rarely original thoughts (which I sometimes enjoy) but usually just paste and copied articles from every corner of the internet. Does the Allstocks limelight really mean that much to you?
Classic.
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
No.
quote:Originally posted by Upside: Gordo, can I ask you what your day consists of?
Posted by T e x on :
oops...
touchy Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
No, just amused.
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
That conservatives aren't funny? I would say it's more a matter of consensus.
quote:Originally posted by urnso77: It's all a matter of opinion.
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
As urnso77 completely blew off my carefully thought out response, I'm posting it again...
urnso77:"that is just an ubsurd (sic) thing to say."
Gordy: Why?
urnso77:"the sad part is that you really believe that."
Gordy: I do. He has treated our military like cattle, with no planning, exit strategy and, worst of all, no remorse of any kind. He didn't even come clean about the reasons he was sending our troops into battle in the first place. (Hint: It had nothing to do with terrorists, WMDs or "Freedom") Why should I believe he cares two bits about their welfare now?
urnso77:"I'm sure you think that bush is behind 911 too right?"
Gordy: I think we can all agree that Bush and his agenda benefited greatly from the 9/11 disaster. But did the Administration actually plan, cause, or simply let the attack happen? I don't know. (How about letting some actual investigations take place, Mr. Bush?)
urnso77:"Or how about that Bush caused Hurricane Katrina and blew up the levies in New Orleans so that more people would die."
Gordy: That is just an absurd thing to say. Posted by urnso77 on :
I can't believe I actually have to respond to this. *sigh*
1. we're fighting a war like no other in history so errors will be made. No planning? Thats never done by the President but my the military itself. Exit strategy? How about winning first and then worrying about leaving. And saying that he has no remorse of any kind is just intellectually dishonest. Your hatred for Bush makes you think that.
2. The American people are the ones who benefitted greatly from having Bush in the White House when 911 happened. I'm glad we had someone who fought back and took it too them. And don't try to tell me that Iraq and Al Qaida aren't related either.
3. I'm glad to see that you think that my Hurrican Katrina satire was absurd because I meant it to be.
Posted by jordanreed on :
quote:Originally posted by urnso77: I can't believe I actually have to respond to this. *sigh*
1. we're fighting a war like no other in history so errors will be made. No planning? Thats never done by the President but my the military itself. Exit strategy? How about winning first and then worrying about leaving. And saying that he has no remorse of any kind is just intellectually dishonest. Your hatred for Bush makes you think that.
2. The American people are the ones who benefitted greatly from having Bush in the White House when 911 happened. I'm glad we had someone who fought back and took it too them. And don't try to tell me that Iraq and Al Qaida aren't related either.
3. I'm glad to see that you think that my Hurrican Katrina satire was absurd because I meant it to be.
congrats...you, and the rest of the 28%,are still hangin in there...but not for long. more heads are gonna roll. believing the way you do is kinda like your faith in that man in the sky, huh? Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
It's pretty sad that urnso77 still clings to this utterly discredited theory.
As we all should know by now, the Sept. 11 commission found no "collaborative relationship" between Iraq and al Qaeda, dismissing one of the Bush administration's main justifications for the war in Iraq.
In fact, a declassified report released recently by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence revealed that U.S. intelligence analysts were strongly disputing the alleged links between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda while senior Bush administration officials were publicly asserting those links to justify invading Iraq.
quote:Originally posted by urnso77: And don't try to tell me that Iraq and Al Qaida aren't related either.
Posted by bdgee on :
Yes. BUSH LIES!
Posted by andrew on :
UMMMMM.....I thought the topic was "Billary". Anyway...what democrat has an honest chance of becoming president? Any thoughts from the left?
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
The first one to take a strong, unmovable stand against the occupation of Iraq.
Posted by a surfer on :
One for Gordy!!
I bought a new Lexus 350 and returned to the dealer the next
>day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained
>that the radio was voice activated.
>
> "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.
>
> The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
>
> "Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the
>speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "
>Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
>
>
> I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd
>say,"Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
>"Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs.
>
> Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new
>car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "Ass Holes!"
>
> Immediately the French National Anthem began to play , sung by
>Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The
>Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather
>on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill
>Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.
>
> Damn, I LOVE this car!
Posted by retiredat49 on :
That's funny...
Posted by dinner42 on :
Oh and Billary..
I thought it was funny on one hand and disrespectful in the other.. Reason being, that in past generations we would not refer to our presidents this way. I know my grandparents did not like all the presidents in their generation, my grand mother was in love with John Kennedy, he could do no wrong in her eyes, she never spoke ill about any of our presidents. They were voted in and were given repect no matter what side of the isle they were from. I miss the days of a generation that had a sense of dignity, they were my grandparents generation born in 1911 and served in WWII (That Generation) built this country and layed the foundation from which we sit upon and we ought to show a sense of integrity when discussing our presidents and their families, regardless of what happened..
For the old timers! Posted by bdgee on :
Dinner,
dubya is responsible for the current condition of the U. S. and that condition is far far worse than what it was when he started.....far far worse than it would have been had he not lied to start an unnecessary and illegal war.
It is false to claim that all or even a fair share of the problems we now face were here before him and to claim that all or even a fair share of the problems we now face would have had to be faced by some other president too.
He, through blunders and lies, created all the problems with Iraq and the terrible foreign policy state we are in and the hopeless economic disaster that is looming for this Nation when we can't pay China for funding the Iraq war.
It is because of his blunders and lies that we invaded a peaceful nation without cause and most of the serious problems facing our Nation now would either not be or would not be so bad had they been tended to instead of wasting all our wealth and good relations on invading Iraq.
It is because of his blunders and lies that we invaded a peaceful nation without cause and squandered on that war all the huge surplusses he was left with in the treasury upon assuming the presenency and all the even larger sums the Chinese government has loaned so we could continue to refuse to admit that invading Iraq was not justified.
It is because of his blunders and lies that we invaded the peaceful nation Iraq without cause and ignored Afganistan, which is the country we had justification and need to invade, so that now we stand a very good chance of loosing there too.
And then there are the many many attacks on and violations of the Constitution that would not have happened if dubya had not been anointed by the republican court.
Posted by bdgee on :
quote:Originally posted by dinner42: Oh and Billary..
I thought it was funny on one hand and disrespectful in the other.. Reason being, that in past generations we would not refer to our presidents this way. I know my grandparents did not like all the presidents in their generation, my grand mother was in love with John Kennedy, he could do no wrong in her eyes, she never spoke ill about any of our presidents. They were voted in and were given repect no matter what side of the isle they were from. I miss the days of a generation that had a sense of dignity, they were my grandparents generation born in 1911 and served in WWII (That Generation) built this country and layed the foundation from which we sit upon and we ought to show a sense of integrity when discussing our presidents and their families, regardless of what happened..
For the old timers! :)
Sorry, dinner, but I remember those times. And I remember what the republicans did to Harry Truman and his family and the last thing that could ever be honestly said is that they treated Truman with respect.
You seem to be offering a quite convienient memory of the times. I'll bet you have forgotten the hateful anti-catholic campaigns they fostered against Kennedy too and what they accused Johnson and Carter of was nothing but the deepest sort of hate and insult.
I'm sorry, but the picture you paint of the political manners of our elders is a bit too rosy. particularly that that is of the republican machine.
(I haven't even mentioned the reign of mister nobility, Sir Richard Nixon and his secret dirty tricks department. I could include details of that and this post would go on for pages.)
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
There is only one side to be on where GWB and the Neocons are concerned, and that's the opposition side.
quote:Originally posted by dinner42: WOW Gordon, you've stuck your cheese out in the wind by showing a pattern of behavior that is pretty one sided..
Posted by dinner42 on :
Thank you for exercising the big debate... It helps to see all sides.
I am aware of the flaws of all of our leaders in government, they all have them.
Question is, who in 2008 will be up to the task of cleaning up the mess...BY the Way! I do think that the Republican administrations of yester year often leave the mess of a war or conflict for the next democratic administration to clean up...am I close in the summation? Gents...
Posted by bdgee on :
dinner42
Those are not flaws you see in the members of the current Administration. Flaws can be mended.
Posted by Lockman on :
quote:Originally posted by dinner42: Thank you for exercising the big debate... It helps to see all sides.
I am aware of the flaws of all of our leaders in government, they all have them.
Question is, who in 2008 will be up to the task of cleaning up the mess...BY the Way! I do think that the Republican administrations of yester year often leave the mess of a war or conflict for the next democratic administration to clean up...am I close in the summation? Gents...
Is that correct? I remember a President Johnson escalating the War in 1965, leaving the "mess" to Nixon.
Posted by Lockman on :
The Iraq conflict is a mess without a doubt. Bush will be gone in 08'.
The next President will have to form a plan to get our Military out safely. Congress must do their part, we've elected them to act on important issues, nows is the time to demand they stand up and do what they were elected for.
Posted by bdgee on :
quote:Originally posted by Lockman:
quote:Originally posted by dinner42: Thank you for exercising the big debate... It helps to see all sides.
I am aware of the flaws of all of our leaders in government, they all have them.
Question is, who in 2008 will be up to the task of cleaning up the mess...BY the Way! I do think that the Republican administrations of yester year often leave the mess of a war or conflict for the next democratic administration to clean up...am I close in the summation? Gents...
Is that correct? I remember a President Johnson escalating the War in 1965, leaving the "mess" to Nixon.
Do you also remember a President Eisenhower sending our military to Viet nam and Laos and doing it in secret so it could be blamed on later presidents?
Posted by Lockman on :
Yes I do remember Eisenhower sending troops to Vietnam, but what the heck was Johnson thinking?
Posted by Lockman on :
bdgee, Just so I know where your coming from, is there anything in the Democratic Platform you don't like? Is there anything in the Republican Platform you don't hate?
Posted by Gordon Bennett on :
Lockman: Why don't you post the mission statements of both parties so we can all decide which we like better?
Posted by bdgee on :
I don't have any idea what will or won't be in the Democratic platform as it has not yet been formed. The same holds for the republican platform. I doubt that I will find either acceptable.
If you bothered to pay attention you might have already discovered that I adhere to neither or any other party's agenda, but you seem to be of the bent that anyone not taking your bait is an enemy and lumping them under some label you disparage.
I disparage any and everything that attacks the Constitutiom, which makes the present day claimers of the republican title suspect, since attacking the Constitution is their bread and butter. That does not excuse members of the Democratic Paty that play the republican game or go along with rather than opposing violation of the Constitution.
I also disparage whatever makes government bigger for the sake of government or the appeasement of religion or the convience of wealthy corporations or individuals, meaning, once again, I oppose almost anything fostered by the present claimers of republicanship. (Increasing the overall size of government is not a sin, as it needs to grow for the simple reason the the population of the Nation requires it to, as the increasing complexity of working withing a modern overpopulated world. There are troubles and duties for our Government today that were unnecessary for a country of 1/2 or 1/3 the present population and it is only reasonable to understand that our government must be bigger than those of W.Wilson's or A. Jackson's. There are relations today with commerce that wasn't even imagined 100 years ago, but the Constitution still requires the government to regulate them, i,e,. bigger Government is a necessity. That does not hold true for the power of Government to impose on the lives and freedoms of the people.)
I commend you for recalling that it was Eisenhower, not Johnson that committed the U.S. to war in south east Asia.
Posted by Lockman on :
quote:Originally posted by bdgee:
I commend you for recalling that it was Eisenhower, not Johnson that committed the U.S. to war in south east Asia.
But please acknowledge it was Johnson's administration that fueled the fire's that caused the unnecessary death's of over 57,000 brave americans.
Posted by bdgee on :
No, it came out of the Pentagon from among a collection of rabidly republican millitary officers who contrived the Bay of Tonkin incident and told Johnson it wasn't faked. Then Johnson, patriotic to the bone, went to Congress and we know the aftermath.
Posted by glassman on :
quote:Originally posted by bdgee: No, it came out of the Pentagon from among a collection of rabidly republican millitary officers who contrived the Bay of Tonkin incident and told Johnson it wasn't faked. Then Johnson, patriotic to the bone, went to Congress and we know the aftermath.
yes, bdgee, that's what happened, it isn't clear that Johnson even knew the plan... it is possible that it was all a big mistake too... either way? LBJ was ready to spend all that money (to himself)
gee, i guess Cheney learned a thing or two from him huh?
BTW? i was stationed on the C Turner Joys "sistership" out of Pearl for awhile... during exersizes off the coast of Nam in '82? she really was fired upon by VietNamese gunboats.... machine gun fire only...
Posted by bdgee on :
I never doubted that there were several incidents in which Viet Namese boats did fire.
But the Gulf of Tonkin "incident" was faked.
I remember when the Pentagon also asked Johnson to fly down to Geargia and pen medals on what he was told were soldiers just back from the war. In fact, it was a unit no one of whom had ever been out of the country and the republicans treid to stick that on Johnson too.
Johson was to the Pentagon about Viet Nam as the Congress was to Bush in the build-up and for a long time after the invasion of Iraq: simply unable to allow a belief that such haghly placed and supposedly honorable people could present bold faced lies to them and to the country, particularly in order to wage war.
Posted by Peaser on :
Blast from the past, just read the first post in the thread. Classic, thinking of you Tiger.
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