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J_U_ICE
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http://funnyordie.com/

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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Wife Blames Shooting on Burglar Alarm
Jun 27, 11:21 PM (ET)


PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) - A woman held on a gun charge claims she accidentally shot her husband in the head after becoming startled when the couple's burglar alarm activated, authorities said Wednesday.

April Moylan, 39, was charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and ordered held Wednesday on $75,000 bond, according to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office.

Prosecutors were not immediately seeking additional charges.

"The state attorney's office continues to review the facts of the case, and that review is ongoing," Sheriff Ken Mascara said Wednesday. "That means it is possible there could be additional charges in the future."


It was not immediately clear if she had an attorney.

Michael Eugene Moylan, 45, initially told authorities he awoke early Tuesday morning with a severe headache. The couple went to a hospital where a bullet was discovered in the man's head.

Investigators initially thought Moylan had been hit by a stray bullet, but later realized the couple's story did not match up, Mascara said.

The couple finally told authorities that April Moylan sleeps with a loaded .32-caliber revolver under her pillow. They said that when the burglar alarm sounded at about 4 a.m. Tuesday, she grabbed the gun and it accidentally discharged, shooting her husband in the head just behind his ear.

Mascara said the couple told authorities they couldn't simply call 911 because both are convicted felons and are not allowed to own a gun so they concocted the headache story.

April Moylan previously had been convicted of sale and delivery of cocaine in Palm Beach County, Mascara said. Her husband's criminal record was not immediately available.

He was recovering Wednesday at a hospital. His wound was not considered life-threatening, the sheriff's office said.

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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Man Gets 10 Years in License Shooting

Jun 27, 11:20 PM (ET)


REDDING, Calif. (AP) - A 49-year-old truck driver has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for shooting his wife after she failed to renew his driver's license.

Gary Alan Hemsted pleaded no contest earlier this month to attempted voluntary manslaughter, using a firearm and causing great bodily injury in the wounding of his wife, Lisa, 42, in 2005.

Shasta County sheriff's deputies said Hemsted became angry after he was cited for driving with an expired license and blamed his wife for failing to renew it.

Detective Steve Grashoff testified that Hemsted threatened to shoot his wife's horse and fired a round from a .22-caliber rifle that narrowly missed his wife and hit the family's barn.

Lisa Hemsted ran down the driveway of the couple's home while her husband gave chase in his pickup truck. As Lisa Hemsted climbed over a fence to try to get away, Gary Hemsted aimed his rifle at her, told her "you're dead" and fired a shot that hit her in the right thigh, Grashoff said.

A sheriff's patrol car was pulling up as the shooting took place.

Hemsted's attorney, Richard Maxion, said his client could end up serving a little more than six years in prison after the 796 days he has spent in jail and any credits he earns for good behavior are deducted from the sentence.

---

Information from: Record Searchlight, http://redding.com

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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Toddler Goes on Wild Ride in Truck

Jun 26, 10:56 PM (ET)


COTTONWOOD, Ariz. (AP) - A 2-year-old boy went for a wild ride when the parked pickup he was in rolled out of a driveway, across a road and down several embankments, taking out a gas line, trees, and eventually the porch of a home and a chain link fence.

The toddler wasn't hurt, said officials with the Yavapai County Sheriff's Office.

But the pickup, several trees, an outdoor pond, the porch cover and the chain link fence will need some work.

Sheriff's spokeswoman Susan Quayle said the boy was in the cab of the Ford truck Sunday morning while his mother and a man loaded a mattress into the pickup bed.

Suddenly, the truck started rolling backwards out of the driveway, crossing a road and taking out a natural gas line. The truck then went over a small embankment and through the yard of a home, crushing several trees and running over an outdoor pond.

The truck went down another 8-foot embankment and into another back yard, where it hit the support posts for a porch, collapsing the structure. Continuing on its way, the pickup went down a 6-foot embankment, and finally struck a chain link fence, which stopped the pickup.

Quayle said it isn't clear why the pickup started rolling

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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rimasco
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attack fish?
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/id/3371738406

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"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication"

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glassman
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those fish hurt alot of boaters down here in the MS River Oxbows... they get scared by the boat and jump, the boaters hit 'em with their faces...

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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J_U_ICE
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Accused Says He Was Just Milking Goat

Aug 10, 4:52 PM (ET)

TACOMA, Wash. (AP) - A man accused of having sex with a goat is scheduled to be arraigned on Friday on a animal cruelty charge. Charging papers say a witness saw 63-year-old Arthur Lawton having sex with a goat May 8th in a barn at Eatonville's Pioneer Farm Museum where he worked.

Lawton said he was trying to milk the goat.

Lawton missed a scheduled arraignment on August 3rd but turned himself in last night to Pierce County sheriff's deputies.

He's the second person charged in the county since the Legislature made bestiality a crime in response to the fatal injury to a man having sex with a horse in Enumclaw.

A man accused of having sex with the family pit bull dog was acquitted in May.

---

Information from: The News Tribune, http://www.thenewstribune.com

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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T e x
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check his boots

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Nashoba Holba Chepulechi
Adventures in microcapitalism...

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J_U_ICE
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GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2007

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab.
Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't
gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a
reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't
particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the
football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless
you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was
found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did
you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde
teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these
kids: 'Lucky *******s.'

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're
a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a
grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about
your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of
this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry,
but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour
some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned
pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the
bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will
be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social
Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******.
If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low
fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light
ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooh, you're a huge
*******.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card,
entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding,
who is
supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't
make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly
sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because
watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting.
What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's
called 'The Howard Stern Show.'

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old
television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote
so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the
reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea
wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After
I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex
with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or
just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I
just want to wash my hands

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27
months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't
really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays
better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every
available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do
you want fries with that?'

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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Ace of Spades
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quote:
Originally posted by J_U_ICE:
Man Gets 10 Years in License Shooting

Jun 27, 11:20 PM (ET)


REDDING, Calif. (AP) - A 49-year-old truck driver has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for shooting his wife after she failed to renew his driver's license.

Gary Alan Hemsted pleaded no contest earlier this month to attempted voluntary manslaughter, using a firearm and causing great bodily injury in the wounding of his wife, Lisa, 42, in 2005.

Shasta County sheriff's deputies said Hemsted became angry after he was cited for driving with an expired license and blamed his wife for failing to renew it.

Detective Steve Grashoff testified that Hemsted threatened to shoot his wife's horse and fired a round from a .22-caliber rifle that narrowly missed his wife and hit the family's barn.

Lisa Hemsted ran down the driveway of the couple's home while her husband gave chase in his pickup truck. As Lisa Hemsted climbed over a fence to try to get away, Gary Hemsted aimed his rifle at her, told her "you're dead" and fired a shot that hit her in the right thigh, Grashoff said.

A sheriff's patrol car was pulling up as the shooting took place.

Hemsted's attorney, Richard Maxion, said his client could end up serving a little more than six years in prison after the 796 days he has spent in jail and any credits he earns for good behavior are deducted from the sentence.

---

Information from: Record Searchlight, http://redding.com

Mabey the B#tch will remember next time [Big Grin]
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Ace of Spades
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quote:
Originally posted by J_U_ICE:
Man Gets 10 Years in License Shooting

Jun 27, 11:20 PM (ET)


REDDING, Calif. (AP) - A 49-year-old truck driver has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for shooting his wife after she failed to renew his driver's license.

Gary Alan Hemsted pleaded no contest earlier this month to attempted voluntary manslaughter, using a firearm and causing great bodily injury in the wounding of his wife, Lisa, 42, in 2005.

Shasta County sheriff's deputies said Hemsted became angry after he was cited for driving with an expired license and blamed his wife for failing to renew it.

Detective Steve Grashoff testified that Hemsted threatened to shoot his wife's horse and fired a round from a .22-caliber rifle that narrowly missed his wife and hit the family's barn.

Lisa Hemsted ran down the driveway of the couple's home while her husband gave chase in his pickup truck. As Lisa Hemsted climbed over a fence to try to get away, Gary Hemsted aimed his rifle at her, told her "you're dead" and fired a shot that hit her in the right thigh, Grashoff said.

A sheriff's patrol car was pulling up as the shooting took place.

Hemsted's attorney, Richard Maxion, said his client could end up serving a little more than six years in prison after the 796 days he has spent in jail and any credits he earns for good behavior are deducted from the sentence.

---

Information from: Record Searchlight, http://redding.com

Mabey the B#tch will remember next time [Big Grin]
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J_U_ICE
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http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/e105aebf92

--------------------
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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 -

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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classified
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LOL! That is great.
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J_U_ICE
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http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/fa1420df1f

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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First dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeoi16lScf4

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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classified
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hahahaha!!

NICE!

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J_U_ICE
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 -

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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IWISHIHAD
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You do come up with some pretty good pictures J_U_ICE. Like they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Butt maybe just one word in that last pictures case.

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Ace of Spades
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JUICE...that's One of the funniest things I have seen on the internet in a while, thanks!
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How bout these?!

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J_U_ICE
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Glad to see you all enjoy the pics and some of my twisted humor.
Nice pics wdcisco. Hopefully Vick's face will get the same treatment in jail as the dog in the bottom right pic.

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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I sure hope so JUICE [Wink]
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J_U_ICE
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BK Whopper freakout
A lot of profanity
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Jqgr4UUqdNg&feature=related

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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 -

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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http://youtube.com/watch?v=sIQrBouWRiE

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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Highwaychild
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Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.

The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an a$$hole under a Yankees cap."

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J_U_ICE
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I've heard that joke before but the Red Sux were always the a$$holes [Were Up]

--------------------
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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J_U_ICE
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJJL5dxgVaM&feature=related

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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glassman
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it's no wonder all these newspapers are failing. the editors are idiots.

i was reading an interesting article and all of a sudden it just ended in the middle of a sentence....

it said continued on page B4....

well, they sure are dumb, it was on the first page, there are no pages B4 [Big Grin]

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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moremula
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The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight.'

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Bob Frey
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http://www.allstocks.com/fun

[Smile]

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Bob Frey
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Just For Laugh - Blindman has to go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yijnHoonDPg&feature=related

[Smile]

[ April 15, 2009, 13:24: Message edited by: Bob Frey ]

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CJim
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On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's
views. Pelosi's aide then said, "Look. I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the
congregation you see Pelosi as a saint. The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle. And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation -- "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, she is not
my favorite person. Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views. Nancy Pelosi is a
petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. Nancy Pelosi is the worst
example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. She also has
a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. She simply is not to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Pelosi with, "But, when compared to Senators Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and John Kerry, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint.

--------------------
A million unemployed comedians and you are trying to be funny, have you no shame?

Posts: 128 | From: Here | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robot
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-A new version of the same ol'

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally
dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table
to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife Sue, wasn't wearing any
underwear! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again,
hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife
followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under
there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he
did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs
of this offer, Jim confirmed that he was indeed, interested. Sue
told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim
didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m.
sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the
bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked
his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?' With a lump
in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few
minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her
husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500?'
Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did
give me $500.'

Bob, with a relieved, satisfied look on his face, surprised his
wife by saying, He came by the office this morning and borrowed
$500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on
his way home and pay the money back.


*Jim = Goldman
**Bob = AIG/
**Sue = US taxpayer

Posts: 105 | From: Toronto | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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