With all the political bickering and pumping and bashing a little relief is in order.Post any good ones you've heard lately.
A plane is on its way to London when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class and that she belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to London and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"I simply told her first class isn't going to London."
Posted by alohadream on :
A guy is talking to a bartender in a bar and brags about how far and accurately he can piss. The bartender kids him about it and the guy says "You see that shot glass at the end of the bar?I'll bet you $200 I can piss from here into the glass and get every drop into it." The bartender gladly accepts and the guy proceeds to unzip and piss all over the floor,the bar,and even all over the bartender and the shot glass is the only place he didn't piss into. The bartender laughing with piss dripping off his face shouts "Ha!You missed!That'll be $200 thank you!" The guy pays up and goes over to a table with some guys sitting at it and proceeds to talk to them.He comes back to the bar and the bartender asks what that was all about. The guy replies "I had bet those guys $1000 that I could piss all over your floor and bar and even all over you and you'd be happy about it."
Posted by Pagan on :
According to a recent study...
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Posted by The Bigfoot on :
Now that's funny!
Posted by Livinonklendathu on :
A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real work crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those a**holes at Home Depot ever deliver the fu**in' sheet rock...".
Posted by alohadream on :
A father who considered his son spoiled and lazy admonished his son one day by saying "Ya know, when Abraham Lincoln was your age he would walk miles through snow wearing no shoes to get to school each day and would chop wood for pennies an hour." His son took off his Walkman and interrupted his video game and retorted "Ya know,when Abraham Lincoln was your age he was president."
Posted by bdgee on :
Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!
That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."
Posted by alohadream on :
Watching GW trying to pronounce nuclear.
Posted by alohadream on :
A married man went to his doctor to remedy his erectile dysfunction.The doctor told him of a new cure made from the trunks of elephants that had good promise and the desperate man agreed to the treatment. That evening he and his wife were eating at a restaurant,when all of a sudden his member leaped out from under the tablecloth and grabbed a dinner roll then shot back under. His amazed wife exclaimed "That was incredible!Could you do it again?" He replied "Well,I can try but don't know if I could fit another roll up my butt."
Posted by The Bigfoot on :
Not really a joke, but I'm working a wedding tonight.
Just had to kick a friend of the groom out.
He peed in the corner of the 6th floor terrace.
When we asked him why he did it seeing as the bathroom was right around the corner he said that the breeze felt nice.
His girlfriend was NOT impressed. Or should I say...ex-girlfriend. She was yelling pretty good once they got in the car.
Bigfoot
Posted by HILANDER on :
A horse walks into a bar.....
The bartender looks up "why the long face?"
Posted by BuyTex on :
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)