Please, someone out there tell me you are also being year 2004 audited by the IRS.
* SCREAMS *
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Oh woe is me, WOE is me.
I am bound for Debtor's prison.
Oh woe is me.
Posted by HILANDER on :
I'll probably take it in the shorts as well Purl. I refused to claim my profits as income last year because I made all of my trades from a combat zone and all income earned over there up to 80k is supposed to be tax free. Of course they may not screw with me since my profits were only 2000.00. We shall see.
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
That? Oh, that, well, hmm, yes, that.
Well, you see I bought this GLUV, uh, GVRP, I dunno, some stock stuff and I figure it was worth, oh, I dunno, I guessed,
three-billion-five-hundred-million dollars.
So, well, it ain't worth anything now, ahh, well, so I declared a loss of, hmm, I think a loss of,
three-billion-four-hundred-million and some coins.
Yeah, well, yes, you see, I lost billions of dollars on GVRP so I figure I don't owe you boys anything.
Huh? I am full of what?
That cannot be. I took a big crap before you meeting with you, and not by choice.
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Well, you see I bought this GLUV, uh, GVRP, I dunno, some stock stuff and I figure it was worth, oh, I dunno, I guessed,
three-billion-five-hundred-million dollars.
So, well, it ain't worth anything now, ahh, well, so I declared a loss of, hmm, I think a loss of,
three-billion-four-hundred-million and some coins.
Yeah, well, yes, you see, I lost billions of dollars on GVRP so I figure I don't owe you boys anything.
Huh? I am full of what?
That cannot be. I took a big crap before you meeting with you, and not by choice.
Purl, tell 'em to s your d...lol
I, too, am gonna write off my losses--they showed in my account, as ________thou$and--then got jerked away...
lol, kept my screen shots when I was a thousandairre...
Posted by bdgee on :
Told a professor that glared at me as I was exiting a john just before his class, "Uhhhh, just clearing out room to fit in your lecture, Sir.
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
There is this Jewish lawyer around here, very popular radio talk show. Handle on the Law.
Anytime a caller asks about taxes, Bill Handle always says the same,
"When the IRS guy shows up, fall to floor, grovel, slobber, cry, beg for mercy, kiss his feet, plead with him. When he asks for a check, write it and tell him how thankful you are to be able pay. Then fall back to the floor and beg more.
Never argue with the IRS. Just pay them and pray."
Posted by bdgee on :
The praying won't help, because the IRS is in league with Ol' Scratch, first and last....
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Problem with the IRS is they have unlimited resources, and a million tax lawyers. It costs so much to fight them, you are better off to simply pay them to go away. The IRS will spend ten-million to collect ten dollars from you.
I plan to kiss ass every which possible. Whatever money they want, it is theirs. Worth it to not suffer anxiety and all that. You do not want the IRS digging deeply into your financial history.
Just pay them and pray to Ol' Scratch for mercy.
Woe is me. Oh WOE is me. I am in IRS Hell.
Posted by BuyTex on :
heard that--for real.
so what do they call the gvrp thing? Is there a technical name for $$ in your account that later gets taken away, yet you can't label it a loss?
Seriously, if you know--good info
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Nah, we cannot declare that piece of sh*t a loss, not until sold.
You can show GVRP on your purchase side of your balance sheet for one year to help show a net loss for the year, but this will toss it into "long term" and will have to be reported, eventually.
You cannot declare GVRP a one time, one year loss until we can get rid that crap.
IRS scares the crap out of me, and I do not scare easily. The IRS has ultimate power. You are truly at their mercy.
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
I play it perfectly straight on the Schedule D mule manure. You have no choice because your broker sends a full accounting to the IRS.
The IRS already knows, already has full records. You cannot cheat on stock trading.
Posted by BuyTex on :
thanks...
there is a form for broker to "declare it worthless," for lack of proper terminology...but not what I wanted, given "Gainskeeper" showing my account at multi-$$$$
what I do with IRS is ask stuff...kinda like you counseled me once with SEC: don't come in cocky, but hey, I luv ya, man...
you at least get payout terms...eh?
Posted by BuyTex on :
quote:Originally posted by Purl Gurl: I play it perfectly straight on the Schedule D mule manure. You have no choice because your broker sends a full accounting to the IRS.
The IRS already knows, already has full records. You cannot cheat on stock trading.
understood--and believe.
I simply so pi$$ed, lol, about the dough showing in my account then disappearing, I'm thinking about considering maybe perhaps f'n with em over this one...ie, one branch of feds vs another...
BUT, this is NOT answering your original plea:
If you were a Christmas tree? I'd not only decorate you, but give you extra sugar water...and allow NO cats in the room...
Posted by glassman on :
some bored bureacrat probably saw your picture and wanted to meet you in person....
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
My picture, ha! My ugly mug makes dogs howl and children scream.
Ok, Tex, so you won't allow any cats in. This suggests you will allow dogs in.
I will have to tell you boys of a recent stunt pulled by me. Involves a large refrigerator box with a peep hole, cut-outs for arms, and me inside buck ass naked. (have pictures but I will get in trouble if I link them)
Rather humorous, a neighbor asked if I saw a cardboard box running up and down our street, waving arms madly, and barefeet below.
No, I missed that one, neighbor. I don't know who was in that box.
Scared the living daylights out of a rottweiler. Made him bark and run! Bark and run! Bark and run!
Woof! Woof! What the F-word is that! Big box madly running around.
Had a bottle of peach brandy in there with me.
You should see what I did for Halloween, even better! Involves a professional level gorilla outfit, a snap flap and sex.
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
I should show pictures of me naked inside a cardboard box to the IRS agent. He will leave.
Cool box! Make a big door up front, had some plastic bags taped inside to hold grapes and fruit, a bottle of peach brandy, some towels and, hmm, other stuff.
What a thrill to be out in public, naked inside a big box. Not illegal, I don't think. Might be good for 72 hours observation, though.
Just had to be careful my door didn't fly open.
Posted by BuyTex on :
wiley, we should an AS offshoot like r-boyz...
Posted by BuyTex on :
sure is good to correspond, miss you mucho...
hey, even K has been posting...hadda nice spike-runner this am...
will sprinkle some tobacco over the fire...
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
WHOOO HOOOO!
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
You boys thought I am pulling your short hairs!
Posted by BuyTex on :
lol, think about my r-boyz idea.
best to you and yours...
Posted by metal1 on :
actually, its very easy to cheat on the schedule D. the only thing that gets reported to the IRS are the gross proceed amounts, not cost. of course if you cheat and you get audited, then you have a problem.
Posted by glassman on :
yeah, and then there's all the fun little tricke like trading the same stocks in multiple accounts, and whether you wanna go first in first out when you are trading only a portion of your shares....
PG, i suggest you wear a short skirt and hope you get somebody that likes legs....
Posted by Dustoff101 on :
Audit? IRS? Multible accounts? Thanks alot! I just went into Atrial fib! LOL
Ain't so funny tho when it happens...Hey the Heart Failure excuse! I'm in um!
Posted by glassman on :
i got audited once....
for some reason they had re-calculated my return and decided i owed 200$ less than my calculations showed... of course i ddin't complain. and i put the 200 in my pocket....
then after the audit? i had to give them the 200 back.... LOL
Posted by BuyTex on :
hey, wiley burst my bubble--was gonna claim gvrp losses cuz my "paper profit" *did* show in gainskeeper...
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Tex, your broker should have two types of documents available to you which can usually be downloaded.
Rummage around in your account. Look for 1099 documents and 1044-D documents.
Your 1044-D documents can be used for your tax return "Schedule D" attachment. Whatever your broker reports is legitimate for use. Your broker is responsible for accuracy, not you. Shift the blame to your broker when you can.
Your broker generated 1044-D will display two reports, buy and sell. Each will have a grand total; total money for buy, total money for sell. Hopefully, your buy will be greater than your sell creating a net loss, although year-over-year is a net profit (equity growth).
Eventually you will have to pay long term capital gains on your equity growth, but you will benefit to delay this as long as possible.
In those reports you should find cost of buying GVRP, but no sale of GVRP. This lends to your net loss. However, when you sell GVRP, if this ever does happen, then GVRP will show in your sale balance sheet, sometime in the future.
You cannot use GVRP as a single one year event, buy and sell, but can use GVRP as a single year purchase cost, while leaving GVRP on your balance sheet for some future "sale" account balancing. Other words your GVRP is now in the long term capital gains (loss) category for taxes.
This year, GVRP is a cost.
Next year, GVRP will not show as a cost.
In the future, GVRP can only be reported as a sell.
You might try to use GVRP as a total write off loss, but the IRS might ask for documentation to prove GVRP is a "forever" worthless stock; there is no sell report for GVRP.
A need would be to demonstrate defunct status, bankruptcy or similar. Unfortunately, there is not an easy way to use these worthless stocks for a loss write off. I have a dozen or so of those "worthless" stocks which simply carry over from year-to-year as basically non-existent for balance sheets; they are not listed.
Trick is to show as many single year costs as possible for a single year net loss, and hope you can take advantage of loopholes in long term capital gains, much later in life.
GVRP is a "now" loss and if GVRP becomes a profit later, GVRP will then mess up your single year net loss. GVRP sucks no matter how you look at it, unless wildly profitable.
We have until midnight, December 31, for GVRP to become a legal single year loss. That is not about to happen.
Worthless stocks screw up everything.
Purl Gurl
Posted by keithsan on :
It must be X-mas, I seee PURL!
you were missed!
Posted by keithsan on :
PURL,
big question, which type of audit?
Posted by Dustoff101 on :
you guys are scaring the hell outa me!LMAO
Posted by BuyTex on :
'ppreciate you, wiley...will check all you mentioned...
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Well, I am not sure "which" type of audit just yet, Keith. I received an inquiry about a need to file a 1044-D for year 2004.
My hope is this is some computer audit generated request, and not a "full blown" audit.
Tell ya, I am tired of ****ting a brick each morning upon awakening and remembering the revenuers are after my big fat butt.
Think I will claim an "innocent spouse" excuse.
Posted by PolarBear69 on :
Hey Purl you could always come January when its tiome to do your 2005 taxs just write boycott on the form and send them in , and then move to some other country that dosn't have a treaty with the US.... The IRS is nothing but a bunch of lossers sorry ... I just tell them to screw off if they want to contiune see tax returns from me..have they not heard of things like swiss bank accts to hide your money..
Posted by BuyTex on :
weeeeeeeeee!
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
When I look at these papers from the IRS, I have to weeee. (and make rude thunderous noises)
Move to another country. Hmm, maybe I could move into a cardboard box and claim that box to be a sovereign nation.
Queendom Of Box.
hmm..
Land Of Boxes. Boxland. Boxtralia. Boxes. Box Republic. Outer Boxogolia.
Maybe have some homeless join me.
United Boxes Of Cardboard.
No! No! I want to be Queen.
The Commonwealth Of Boxes.
I should not worry so much. Final analysis is I will have to write the IRS a check. It's just money.
Besides I am too pretty for prison, which is now a valid legal defense against a free vacation at the Gray Bar Hotel.
(true - a gal avoided prison claiming to be too pretty)
Purl Gurl - Queen of Boxes
Posted by BuyTex on :
works for me...the "too pretty" defense
hey, your festival could be a Boxanalia...
Posted by glassman on :
It's just money.
Purl? are you OK? how about sending me JUST 100 grand? LOL, didn't think so....
i think they are looking for a princess...
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Ha! Ha! You are way funny, Glassman.
I visited their website, looked around and clicked on their "Historic Homeland" link. Immediately I noticed their dominion boundries are labeled "cease fire lines."
Odd, I think I recognize some of their city names, for unknown reasons.
Welcome back Purl. Hope all work out for you in your situation.
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Thanks, Peaser!
It all comes out in the wash. Whatever the IRS is after, they will have it and I will move on with my life.
Until then, I will remain a nervous wreck.
Purl Gurl
Posted by bdgee on :
quote:Originally posted by Purl Gurl: When I look at these papers from the IRS, I have to weeee. (and make rude thunderous noises)
Purl Gurl - Queen of Boxes
Lady Purl, didn't you mis-type? Was that "weeee" supposed to be whiz?
Posted by Purl Gurl on :
Boys whiz. Girls weee.
"...and this little piggy went weee weee weee!"
Oh Lord, what a mess.
Purl Gurl
Posted by bdgee on :
Uh huh! So now we find that Lady Purl is a sexist.
Posted by keithsan on :
quote:Originally posted by Purl Gurl: Well, I am not sure "which" type of audit just yet, Keith. I received an inquiry about a need to file a 1044-D for year 2004.
My hope is this is some computer audit generated request, and not a "full blown" audit.
Tell ya, I am tired of ****ting a brick each morning upon awakening and remembering the revenuers are after my big fat butt.
Think I will claim an "innocent spouse" excuse.
figure out the type of audit, most are not full blown. Also not much you can do so don' waste money worrying.
You can change the local. Find a busy one. City is good, usually. check with a local IRS fighting lawyer. They'll probably even know the best office.
bring your crap and be honest.....
You'll be fine, tassels help too.
Posted by DWE on :
Wait..... Who are these IRS people? Never heard of em...
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
LOL, didn't think so....