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jordanreed
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Hung Chow (must be Hung Lo's brother) calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come to work today. I really sick. Got headache and legs hurt. I no come to work."

His boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."



Two hours later Hung chow calls again and says, "I do what you say and I feel much better and I be to work soon...... You got nice house."

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jordan

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glassman
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thought you might like this jordan:

stunning bass-string shot; Frequency of the bass strings and high shutter speed of the camera lead to this surprising string-wobble footage.

There is no slowmo applied to the take. Sound is original.
video was filmed with a Canon 5D MarkII , Nikon 50mm lens on 1,8f.

http://vimeo.com/4041788

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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CashCowMoo
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My girlfriend warned me that if I got her one more stupid gift then she would burn it, so I got her a candle. That showed her.

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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jordanreed
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Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my Sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling Marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are Prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers: one is serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is Currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three Children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time "working girl". All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is a jazz musician?


Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

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jordan

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CashCowMoo
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east oaklands finest inside a dennys:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxROsI6KAnY&feature=player_embedded#at=53

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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jordanreed
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"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up womans' leg will not find nuts.

...Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

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jordan

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jordanreed
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If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?/DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?/THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

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jordan

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Bob Frey
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http://www.allstocks.com/fun
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Pagan
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A young shapely gal was hired at a small country store. One day she
wore a rather short skirt to work, and the first customer was a young
man who immediately noted what she was wearing. She looked at him and
asked if he needed help.

Looking around he saw that the bread was kept on shelves directly
behind her as she stood at the register. He also noticed that on the
top shelf, high enough to need a step ladder to reach, was the raisen
bread.

He asked for the raisen bread and the young lass pulled over the step
ladder, climbed up stretching a bit to reach it, and climbed down
with the bread.

As she was coming down from the ladder, another man happened into the store and saw her
reach for the bread, and as she returned to the counter he said he'd
have the same. So, the young lady went back up the ladder, stretched
for another loaf, and climbed back down with the bread.

As she approached the counter, a third man was there at the counter
and he asked for raisen bread too. So the young lady trudged back up
the ladder, stretched, and got the bread, but while she was up there
she noticed an old man with a walker entering the store. Thinking she
would save herself some effort she shouted down at the old man, "Is
yours raisen too?"

The startled old man looked up for the first time and saw the young woman
at the top of the step ladder and answered, "No miss, But it's a
twitchin' a might."

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It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

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CashCowMoo
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http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1938115

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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jordanreed
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSFsoLA2gIA&feature=player_embedded

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jordan

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CashCowMoo
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omg, I have never seen someone act like that before.

"Ill give YOU a sermon on the mound"

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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Pagan
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Unfortunately...this is a true story.(and by all means click the link...I know you will to see the mugshot)

Woman Utters Line Never Previously Recorded In A Police Report

Malodorous suspect gets 90 days in jail.

Meet Melissa Lee Williams. The West Virginia woman, 41, is facing assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct at a motor inn.

The October 22 incident is detailed in an amusing/gross Jackson County Sheriff’s Department report excerpted here.

According to investigators, Williams--who lives four doors down from her estranged husband at the 77 Motor Inn--showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man to “eat my p*ssy.” At this point, Williams, pictured in the mug shot at right, “commenced to undress herself,” reported Deputy Ross Mellinger.

While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request.” However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” Watson, understandably, “declined to proceed any further.”

This is when Melissa Williams allegedly “produced a lock-back folding knife,” opened it, and pointed the weapon at her estranged husband. She then reportedly uttered a line never before memorialized in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my p*ssy or I’m going to cut your f*cking throat.”

When Deputy Mellinger arrived on the scene he observed Williams--who, like the two men, appeared to be intoxicated--nude from the waist down. After pocketing a knife that was on the coffee table in front of Williams, Mellinger arrested her for domestic assault and brandishing a deadly weapon.

Williams, who was released from jail after posting $3000 bond, is next due in Jackson County Magistrate Court on February 16.


http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/west-virginia/woman-utters-line-never-previo usly-recorded-police-report?page=4

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It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

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jordanreed
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Man sitting at home on the veranda with his wife and he says, "I love you."

She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer.

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jordan

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jordanreed
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Whats the first thing a sorority girl does when she gets up in the morning?

--walks home!"

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jordan

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CashCowMoo
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Me: Can I use the bathroom?

Teacher: I don't know, can you?

Me: When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

Teacher: ...


________________________________


*FACEBOOK CHAT*

Girl- Who do you like?

Boy- I'm talking to her [Smile]

Girl- Awww [Smile]

Boy- Oh not you, it's another girl I'm talking to.

Girl- ...


___________________________________________


Studies say 90% of women don't like men in pink T-shirts.

IRONICALLY,
90% of Men in pink T-shirts don't like women.

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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jordanreed
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If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," ...call
them and ask if they meant you or them!!.......................................................................... ...........................

it's rough these days -Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

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jordan

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CashCowMoo
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Every time i see a mattress on top of a car i think it's a prostitute making house calls

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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buckstalker
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Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it ..
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real ***** this time.'
BOB'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY

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***********************

It's all in the timing...

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CashCowMoo
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Fact: Pollen is tree sperm


Funny to think of it in that perspective. Have you ever walked out to your car, and that yellow dust is all over your car?

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Peaser
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0O0wl_UaU8&feature=relmfu

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Buy Low. Sell High.

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jordanreed
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thats funny

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jordan

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glassman
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who won?

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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Peaser
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exactly. lol

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Buy Low. Sell High.

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a surfer
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA3XjFDxJIk&feature=player_embedded
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buckstalker
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That is hilarious...

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***********************

It's all in the timing...

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CashCowMoo
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This is a good one

http://www.break.com/index/hot-blonde-gets-rid-of-one-night-stand_1.html

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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CashCowMoo
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glassman
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this is no joke, tell me cash, did you fight to stop this in other countries? or what?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jUU3yCy3uI&NR=1

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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buckstalker
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quote:
Originally posted by glassman:
this is no joke, tell me cash, did you fight to stop this in other countries? or what?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jUU3yCy3uI&NR=1

watching that makes my blood boil...

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***********************

It's all in the timing...

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glassman
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yes, you WILL be assimilated.

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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CashCowMoo
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What happened to those people and why was that not covered on mainstream media? Sickening, thats why I lost respect for police. I have personally encountered some eye opening situations with police where they just think they can do whatever they want because they have a badge.


Back in the days protect and SERVE actually meant something. Now the police departments are cash flow generators.

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It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.

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glassman
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quote:
Originally posted by CashCowMoo:
What happened to those people and why was that not covered on mainstream media? Sickening, thats why I lost respect for police. I have personally encountered some eye opening situations with police where they just think they can do whatever they want because they have a badge.


Back in the days protect and SERVE actually meant something. Now the police departments are cash flow generators.

yeah and it don't seem to matter if you have a GOP or a Dem in office

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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CashCowMoo
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quote:
Originally posted by glassman:
quote:
Originally posted by CashCowMoo:
What happened to those people and why was that not covered on mainstream media? Sickening, thats why I lost respect for police. I have personally encountered some eye opening situations with police where they just think they can do whatever they want because they have a badge.


Back in the days protect and SERVE actually meant something. Now the police departments are cash flow generators.

yeah and it don't seem to matter if you have a GOP or a Dem in office
Huh? I know that. Police are police. Not all are bad, but we are seeing more and more incidents thanks to cell phone cameras of cops acting above the law.
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SeekingFreedom
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This sounded sooooooooo familiar for some reason... [Razz]

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/weepforthenation

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