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J_U_ICE
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Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

RUNNER UP # FIVE:
THE LAPTOP STILL WORKS (Confirmed True by Darwin)

"Driving is not a time to be practicing your multitasking skills," remarked CHP spokesman Tom Marshall, commenting on a 29-year-old computer tutor's decision to drive along Highway 99 in California while working on his laptop. He drifted over the center line, and was killed by oncoming traffic. CHP officers found Oscar's computer still running, plugged into the Honda Accord's cigarette lighter.

RUNNER UP # FOUR:
SUPERIOR MOMENTUM (Confirmed True by Darwin)

June 2007, Illinois | Two Valparaiso men tested their reflexes by playing "chicken" with a train. Which man could stay on the rail the longest in the path of an oncoming train? At the stroke of midnight, the contest was decided. The winner, aptly named Patrick Stiff, lost his life. The train continued on, as the conductor was unaware that it had hit anyone.

REFERENCES: http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2007-07.html

RUNNER UP # THREE:
BARN DEMOLITION (Unconfirmed by Darwin)

January 2007, West Virginia) Three friends set out to dismantle a dilapidated barn one bracing winter afternoon. Speaking of bracing... One industrious man fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post. Carrying the weight of a full barn roof, those wooden support beams were all that stood between the demolition worker and structural collapse. It was all fun and games until the roof, sans support, succumbed to the pull of gravity and flattened the man with the chainsaw. As a consolation prize, the deceased was indeed successful at demolishing the barn.

(Darwin notes, this story is unconfirmed, but no disputes have come to my attention, as usually happens with bogus stories.)

REFERENCES: http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2007-02.html

Addendum: This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. Two other groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In both cases, the structure collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh!

REFERENCES: http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2007-09.html

RUNNER UP # TWO:
MOLE HUNT (Confirmed True by Darwin)

January 2007, East Germany | One man's extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a victory for the mole. The metal rods he pounded into the ground and connected to a high-voltage power line, electrified the very ground the man stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.

REFERENCES: http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2007-01.html

RUNNER UP # ONE:
WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN (Confirmed Double Darwin Award)

June 2007, South Carolina | A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old deceased couple laying naked in the road an hour before sunrise. Authorities were baffled. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked vehicles present. But investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. McCants said.

REFERENCES: http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2007-05.html

AND THE 2007 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS...
THE ENEMA WITHIN (Confirmed True by Darwin)

May 2004, Texas | Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party.

Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. Toxicology reports measured his blood alcohol level as 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

REFERENCES: http://DarwinAwards.com/darwin/darwin2007-13.html

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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T e x
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high dives into the shallow end of the gene pool...

good post!

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Nashoba Holba Chepulechi
Adventures in microcapitalism...

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J_U_ICE
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Here's another mental midget

(19 April 2007, Phnom Penh, Cambodia) Unwanted amorous advaces on a heifer resulted in a man's death at the hooves of the violated bovine. Sounds of a scuffle culminated in the discovery of his naked body lying beneath the frightened family cow. Injuries to his head and genital area were consistent with being kicked to death.
Why did he do it?

The man's divorce had become final a mere 10 days prior to his fateful final fling. In the divorce, and also a previous divorce, his ex-wives cited his insatiable desire as the cause of the dissolution.

Police concluded that the man died in a rape gone wrong. They do not plan to take action against the cow, which appeared to have been acting in self-defense.

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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Wow...Crazy stuff Juice...!! [Eek!]

I always like to read these kind of storys...lol

Posts: 1075 | From: weeeeeeee | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
J_U_ICE
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quote:
Originally posted by $tock Weazel:
Wow...Crazy stuff Juice...!! [Eek!]

I always like to read these kind of storys...lol

They are entertaining.
Never, Never Spit Gasoline While Smoking
Jan 14, 4:17 PM (ET)

BERLIN (AP) - A German man in the northeastern town of Gross Godems was being treated for serious burns Monday after accidentally setting his apartment ablaze when he mixed up a bottle of gasoline with alcohol, police said.

The 56-year-old apparently grabbed the wrong bottle and took a swig from the gasoline flask, then spat it out when he realized his mistake.

The gas hit a lit cigarette, sparking the fire, police said.

The man's name was not released.

--------------------
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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LOL..check these out:


Top 10
DUMBEST CRIMINALS

RUNNER-UP #9

Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's Boy Scout meeting. While watching a policeman demonstrate his drug dog's ability, the dog found a bag of grass in her purse.





RUNNER-UP #8

Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.



RUNNER-UP #7

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.



RUNNER-UP #6

San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.





RUNNER-UP #5

From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture...of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.



RUNNER-UP #4

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.



RUNNER-UP #3

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.





RUNNER-UP #2

Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.



RUNNER-UP #1

Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.



THE WINNER!

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued....and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

Posts: 1075 | From: weeeeeeee | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
J_U_ICE
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Good stuff
Modern Armor
(26 August 2006, Leicester, England) Darren's death was a mystery. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds to his chest. Police initially assumed that an assailant had attacked him, but they could find no supporting evidence. A year later, the inquest revealed why Darren can stake his claim to a place among the winners of the Darwin Award.

Darren had called a friend, but minutes after he hung up, rang back to ask for an ambulance. The front door was ajar, and Darren was found lying near a bloodstained lock-knife he had purchased whilst on holiday in Spain. Forensics investigators saw no indication of a struggle, and the coroner reported that the stab wounds seemed to be self-inflicted. However, Darren had shown no suicidal tendencies.

His wife, who was on holiday at the time of the incident, cleared up the mystery, and revealed why our subject will go down in history as a Darwin Award winner. As she was leaving for the holiday, she remembered Darren wondering whether his new jacket was 'stab-proof'.

That's right. Darren had decided to find out if his jacket could withstand a knife attack. Did he choose to test his jacket while it was draped over the back of a chair? No, our man decided that the best approach would be to wear the garment and stab himself. Sadly, his choice of armor proved less resistant to a sharp blade than he had hoped.

The coroner reached a verdict of accidental death by 'misadventure'.

Original Submission
Related Darwin Award: Death of Dracula
Related Personal Account: Flak Vest Test

Chimney-Cleaning Grenade
(13 January 2005, Croatia) One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight?
He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled with explosive material.

Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however.

Unsafe and Insane
2003, Australia) Parents often warn that firecrackers can blow your hand off, but as a 26-year-old Australian learned, they can also remove your gonads from the gene pool. An ambulance rushed to an Illawarra park after receiving reports that a man was hemorrhaging from his behind. The mercifully unidentified man had placed a lit firecracker between the cheeks of his buttocks, stumbled, and fell upon it.
"We do caution people against these acts," said Acting Senior Sergeant John Klepczarek of the local police.

Emergency surgeon Dr. McCurdie said the resulting wound looked like "a war injury." The explosion was forced upward, "blasted a great hole in the pelvis, ruptured the urethra, and injured muscles," rendering the man incontinent as well as sexually dysfunctional. He survived to tell the tale, making him eligible for the dubious honor of a Living Darwin Award

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

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glassman
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quote:
Originally posted by J_U_ICE:
quote:
Originally posted by $tock Weazel:
Wow...Crazy stuff Juice...!! [Eek!]

I always like to read these kind of storys...lol

They are entertaining.
Never, Never Spit Gasoline While Smoking
Jan 14, 4:17 PM (ET)

BERLIN (AP) - A German man in the northeastern town of Gross Godems was being treated for serious burns Monday after accidentally setting his apartment ablaze when he mixed up a bottle of gasoline with alcohol, police said.

The 56-year-old apparently grabbed the wrong bottle and took a swig from the gasoline flask, then spat it out when he realized his mistake.

The gas hit a lit cigarette, sparking the fire, police said.

The man's name was not released.

WTF? who keeps gasoline in a bottle in their apartment?

terrorists?

OK, i'm not sure if i've told this one before.

I was at a neighbors partying. When i say neighbor, he was my closest next door neighbor, but it was more than a 5 minute walk and less than a ten minute walk if you are walking briskly. My neighbor was a very heavy drinking retired navy capn. So it was not uncommon for it to take me more than ten minutes to walk home from his house. Esp after dark. He made his own grand marnier by the gallon, apparently he learned that trick from one of his XO's on his subs. Us skimmer types never got fancy, we made rum out of raisins. Sub guys get all the good stuff. Grand marnier never impressed me, but women seem to love it. His taste in whiskey was not bad, he bought the blended seagrams by the 2 liter. Any way, one evening he disappeared. After a little while i commenced ta lookin for him. I eventually found him laying on the floor in his garage, which wasn't all that odd because it was a really nice detached garage with a full living space/apartment, shag rug under neath him and a wood stove which he was laying near and quite comfortable. When i asked him WTF he was doing on the floor he didn't answer, but i saw the 2 liter of Seagrams near him. So, i said something smart like you can't hog that all to yourself and reached over and tipped the bottle.
NOW, i dunno about any of you but i don't really like the taste of any liquor. I learned along time ago a trick to swilling liquor straight and i don't know how to tell you what it is exactly. It has something to do with closing off your nose from your mouth. I know it sounds wrong, but i don't mean pinching it with your fingers. In any case? I can chug 151 if i have to. I don't (anymore) but i can. And to be honest? I don't ever recall why i might have had to, for that matter.
So i took a long healthy chug off his seagrams bottle and began wondering if i was gonna be able to make it home, or not. Well, about the time that chug hit my belly, it didn't "feel" right. It was barely warm, and definitely not the sharp burn you get from 80 proof liquor. So i stopped, and took a whiff off the bottle. Shore nuff, it warn't Seagrams at all, it was his Kerosene for starting the damn wood stove. I quickly walked to the door and "eliminated" it from my body. Which was rather easy cuz it "felt" weird, you know, it just doesn't belong in your gut.I went into the house and told the nurse, yeah we had a nurse partying with us that night, actually she lived there too so it was odd not to have her partying with us. She called poison control. They told her to tell me NOT to puke it up cuz it might cause more damage coming up than it did going down. I said too late. And it tasted worse, but i didn't feel too damaged. I was just worried if there was any long term effects. The poison control people said absolutely not. Might cause some gas. It sure did cause gas lotsa gas [Big Grin]

the two lessons i learned that night were:
Don't store undrinkables in bottles with drinkable labels.
and
Kerosene is not toxic [BadOne]

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Don't envy the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise.

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J_U_ICE
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Ouch Glass! Sounds like the old PSA "one to grow on" [Smile]
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3KObQo65j6Y&feature=related

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The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

Posts: 10204 | From: NYC | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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