1. You must believe that being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime - unless you're a millionaire right wing radio gasbag; then, it's an "illness" and requires prayer for "recovery".
2. You must believe that those born to privilege achieve success on their own, but that all of their customers are lazy and stupid.
3. You must believe that ethics are an inconvenience that only Democrats bother with, and that any way you raise money is okay, so long as you don't get caught.
4. You must believe that folks who work for their money should be taxed at a high rate, but those who get their money for nothing should be exempt from taxation.
5. You must believe that being "morally upright" means hating gays and liberals, and anyone else who doesn't hate gays and liberals.
6. You must believe that, to rid the country of crime, you must rid the world of people not like you.
7. You must agree that racking up huge amounts of debt and handing it off to future generations is worth the few thousand extra in tax breaks given to your wealthy "investors."
8. You must believe the US should pull out of the UN, at the same time you claim our highest national priority is to start a war to enforce UN resolutions.
9. You must believe that the best person to represent the United States in the UN is someone who doesn't believe the UN should exist.
10. You must believe that government should stay out of people's financial lives, but should socially engineer any behaviors deemed "unacceptable." That the government should stay out of our checkbooks, but feel perfectly at home on our bedrooms and doctors offices.
11. You must believe that profitable pollution is perfectly ok, and that all science is bunk when it cuts into profits.
12. You must support prayer in schools, as long as no one prays to Allah or Buddha.
13. You must believe that rushing to Washington to vote to keep a dead woman's tube in place is more important than seeing thousands of people drown in a hurricane.
14. You must believe that nothing is more important than a fundraiser; not even black people drowning. No, especially black people drowning.
15. You must believe that no Republican is crooked, as long as he says the right thing and writes you a big enough check.
16. You must believe that "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India, and encouraging corporations headquartered here to move their address offshore to avoid taxes.
17. You must believe that, while a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, huge multi-national corporations can be trusted to make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.
18. You must believe that Jesus loves you, but shares your hatred and distrust of the poor, homosexuals, and the Clintons.
19. You must hate the ACLU for representing people whose rights have been violated, and believe they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.
20. You must believe that the best way to show appreciation to the troops is to charge them to fly home for leave, serve plastic turkey and cut their VA benefits.
21. You must be willing to believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for office as a Republican.
22. You must think that keeping sex education and birth control out of schools is the wisest course, because without them, teenagers will never have sex.
23. You must think that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and piss off the rest of the world at the same time we demand their cooperation and money.
24. You must believe that single-payer health care, in which everyone pays for and receives health insurance, would be a disaster compared to the current system, in which 40 million people are forbidden from paying into the system, but still receive emergency health care. You must also believe that insurance companies only care about giving you the best darn health care there is, damn the profit. You must also believe that providing health care to Iraqis is good policy, while providing it to Americans is a "Socialist plot."
25. You must believe that forcing bankrupt people to pay their bills is a much more important problem than addressing how they got there in the first place.
26. You must agree that the link between tobacco and cancer is "dubious," that claims of global warming are "junk science" and that creationism has a sound scientific basis that should be part of all school curricula.
27. You must believe that waging war with no security or exit strategy was good for Iraq.
28. You must agree that Saddam Hussein was a good guy when Reagan was sending him arms, a bad guy when he invaded Kuwait, a good guy again when Cheney did business with him at Halliburton, and then a bad guy again when Bush decided that a war in Iraq would be a very lucrative deal for his "investors."
29. You must believe that the Bill of Rights is absolute in the case of the Second Amendment, but negotiable with regard to the rest of the document.
30. You must agree that the adulterous affairs of Democrats require public embarrassment and impeachment, while those of Republicans are a private matter, and excusable because, well, "boys will be boys" (or girls).
31. You must ascribe to the notion that the Clintons' business deals were major breaches of the public trust, while the fact that Dick Cheney is still being paid by Halliburton, which is now getting billions of your tax dollars, is no big deal.
32. You must believe that everything that Democrats do should be public knowledge, but that the public has no right to know anything that Republicans do.
33. You must always deride a Democrat's changes of mind and philosophy as a "flip-flop," while referring to those of fellow Republicans as "growth."
34. You must openly support "state rights," except when John Ashcroft wants to force local libraries to turn over their records or Tom DeLay wants to impose new districts because he doesn't like election results.
35. You must agree that the outcome of an election is always more important than making sure everyone got to vote and that all votes were counted.
36. You must agree that income tax cuts for the rich are good for the economy, while payroll tax cuts for the working class are bad. Furthermore, you must believe that making sure that the rich have a few extra dollars in their pockets is good for the economy, while raising the minimum wage is detrimental.
F*ck the South. F*ck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves -- yeah, those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the f*cking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?
Cause we f*cking founded this country, assh*les. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullsh*t about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the f*cking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were f*cking blue-staters, d*ckhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the f*cking monuments are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the f*ck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and f*cking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those f*cking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for f*cking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their f*cking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this sh*t, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" d*ckheads. F*ck off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being f*cking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the f*cking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so f*cking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your f*cking bridges, b*tch.
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your f*cking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a f*cking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a sh*thole," we said, but you had to have your f*cking orange juice.
The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal f*cking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherf*cker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, assh*le, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assh*les, it’s f*cking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own f*cking stop signs, assh*les.
Let’s talk about those values for a f*cking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you f*cking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s f*cking Massachusetts, the f*cking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the f*cking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are f*cking blue states, assh*le, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to f*cking guess? 10 of the top 10 are f*cking red-ass we're-so-f*cking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its f*cking part.
But two guys making out is going to f*cking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bast*rds. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we f*cking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're f*cking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us f*cking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assh*les? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the f*cking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assh*les.
Well this gravy train is f*cking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullsh*t and shove it up your ass.
And no, you can't have your f*cking convention in New York next time. F*ck off.
Source: F*ck The South.com
-------------------- "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
- Benjamin Franklin Posts: 3898 | Registered: Dec 2005
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