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Zulu, CA – Every parent has lofty aspirations for their children. Hedley and Conchita Wrigley had a rather unique desire for their son, Tad. The Global Stupidity Institute brings you this exclusive interview with Hedley and Conchita so they can tell you their story.
GSI: Tell us a little about your son Tad
Conchita: “Tad’s our only son. He was born the day Richard Nixon resigned office. I don’t remember what day that was, but that’s the day he was born. He really loves football and NASCAR. Do you need to know anything else about Tad?”
GSI: What kind of childhood did Tad have?
Conchita: “He had a great childhood. Hedley and I spoiled Tad rotten. When he was a toddler I put him in flowered dresses just like Oscar Wilde’s mom did. But Tad hated them! That made me mad because I spent good money on those dresses! They were from Laura Ashley!”
Hedley: “To balance things out, I would take Tad to football games. We did the normal father/son things like fishing, playing catch, and slipping him some beers when his mother wasn’t looking.”
GSI: When did you first notice a rift in your relationship with Tad?
Conchita: “Probably when he was 15. That’s when he started disobeying my orders to watch Broadway musicals on Friday and Saturday night. It got so bad, in fact, I had the doctor put him on Ritalin and I had to lock Tad in the closet with the TV just to get him to watch the Judy Garland tapes.”
Hedley: “When Tad was 16, he got a girlfriend. We couldn’t stand that little heifer! She wore so much makeup you thought the circus came to town.”
Conchita: “I can still see that girl in my nightmares! She messed up our whole plan!”
GSI: What do you mean by “plan?”
Conchita: “What do you think, you idiot! For Tad to be gay! I wanted a gay son. I raised Tad to be gay! The manicures, the pedicures, the flowery dresses, the Broadway shows, the interior decorating classes at the recreation center, the YMCA membership…”
Hedley: “We spent thousands giving him the best gay upbringing two loving parents could possibly give.”
Conchita: “I wanted him to bottle his own mango chutney and charmoula.Plus, I never wanted to be a grandmother, anyway.”
GSI: When did you disown your son?
Conchita: “The night before his wedding to ‘what’s-her-name?’ We knew all hope was lost. Tad would never be gay. We’d never have a son who had his own wine tasting show on Bravo. Tad would never be a fashion designer. He’d never create his own signature line of skin moisturizers. He would never open a billowy pillow store like we always wanted him to…”
Hedley: “Ah yes, the billowy pillow idea… thanks for the memories, Tad!”
Conchita: “His punishment for not being gay is getting cut off from the family. We changed our phone number and we’re using a PO Box as our address. We hung a sign over the door that says, ‘Gay Sons Only!’ We’re giving his entire inheritance to the Liberace Foundation and the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library.”
GSI: Do you have a parting message for Tad? Maybe you would like to reconcile with him?
Conchita: “Yeah, I have something to say to Tad. I hope your son grows up to be straight! That’s it. The interview is over. I need a Gimlet”
-------------------- I came here to teach you about the enchanting rhythms of the universe...
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quote:Originally posted by Mr. Lava: Zulu, CA – Every parent has lofty aspirations for their children. Hedley and Conchita Wrigley had a rather unique desire for their son, Tad. The Global Stupidity Institute brings you this exclusive interview with Hedley and Conchita so they can tell you their story.
GSI: Tell us a little about your son Tad
Conchita: “Tad’s our only son. He was born the day Richard Nixon resigned office. I don’t remember what day that was, but that’s the day he was born. He really loves football and NASCAR. Do you need to know anything else about Tad?”
GSI: What kind of childhood did Tad have?
Conchita: “He had a great childhood. Hedley and I spoiled Tad rotten. When he was a toddler I put him in flowered dresses just like Oscar Wilde’s mom did. But Tad hated them! That made me mad because I spent good money on those dresses! They were from Laura Ashley!”
Hedley: “To balance things out, I would take Tad to football games. We did the normal father/son things like fishing, playing catch, and slipping him some beers when his mother wasn’t looking.”
GSI: When did you first notice a rift in your relationship with Tad?
Conchita: “Probably when he was 15. That’s when he started disobeying my orders to watch Broadway musicals on Friday and Saturday night. It got so bad, in fact, I had the doctor put him on Ritalin and I had to lock Tad in the closet with the TV just to get him to watch the Judy Garland tapes.”
Hedley: “When Tad was 16, he got a girlfriend. We couldn’t stand that little heifer! She wore so much makeup you thought the circus came to town.”
Conchita: “I can still see that girl in my nightmares! She messed up our whole plan!”
GSI: What do you mean by “plan?”
Conchita: “What do you think, you idiot! For Tad to be gay! I wanted a gay son. I raised Tad to be gay! The manicures, the pedicures, the flowery dresses, the Broadway shows, the interior decorating classes at the recreation center, the YMCA membership…”
Hedley: “We spent thousands giving him the best gay upbringing two loving parents could possibly give.”
Conchita: “I wanted him to bottle his own mango chutney and charmoula.Plus, I never wanted to be a grandmother, anyway.”
GSI: When did you disown your son?
Conchita: “The night before his wedding to ‘what’s-her-name?’ We knew all hope was lost. Tad would never be gay. We’d never have a son who had his own wine tasting show on Bravo. Tad would never be a fashion designer. He’d never create his own signature line of skin moisturizers. He would never open a billowy pillow store like we always wanted him to…”
Hedley: “Ah yes, the billowy pillow idea… thanks for the memories, Tad!”
Conchita: “His punishment for not being gay is getting cut off from the family. We changed our phone number and we’re using a PO Box as our address. We hung a sign over the door that says, ‘Gay Sons Only!’ We’re giving his entire inheritance to the Liberace Foundation and the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library.”
GSI: Do you have a parting message for Tad? Maybe you would like to reconcile with him?
Conchita: “Yeah, I have something to say to Tad. I hope your son grows up to be straight! That’s it. The interview is over. I need a Gimlet”
This story has to be a joke. Is it from "the onion" or something.
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The Global Stupidity Institute is my non-profit organization. We did get funding after Katrina. One of my handlers, Vito, mugged a group of elderly black women and stole their hurricane debit cards. That gave us the groundfloor funding we needed.
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