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Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship and which I can stand by:
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry b*stard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath ... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Remember. A good friend will help you move. A REALLY good friend will help you move a body; and, let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
-------------------- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
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