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Investing Lingo

Investing Definitions
Real Definitions are here.

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market crashes.

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.

Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $200.00 per share.

Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $200.00 per share.

Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.

Alan Greenspan - God.

Author Unknown

Real Definitions are here.

 

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